RIP Kurt Cobain of Nirvana

Kurt Cobain and Me.

I just got off work…at Marine Corps Air Station New River, part of Camp Lejeune…I was a Lance Corporal in the Marines at the time. I was dirty, tired, smelled of gun powder, sweat and gun cleaning oil. I was more than ready to go home. The drive was about 15 minutes to base housing. I hopped in my shiny, metallic blue 66′ Mustang and hauled ass off base, shifting through the 3 gears like I was drag racing satan himself! The day was sunny, I was winning the race and I had the world at my young, finger-tips!

Satan had nothing on me that 5th day of April on 1994...I was young, feeling good and ready to jam to Nirvana!
Satan had nothing on me that 5th day of April, 1994…I was young, feeling good and ready to jam to Nirvana!

Everybody that knew me, knew Nirvana was my favorite band of all time! All of my friends and family knew, without a doubt, that Nirvana, were my Beatles! Everyone within 5000 miles, KNEW, that Kurt Cobain was my John Lennon! I idolized him at that time…his cool, ripped up flannel-type of personality…a broken genius slacker…Mr. Generation X! An innovator, thinker, poet, artist, father, activist, couch potato, pot head, talented, idiot-savant, conversationalist,successful, loser, winner…I could go on with all of the contradictions that made him so beautifully unique as a fellow human-being.

Kurt Cobain and Nirvana… Smells Like Teen Spirit

I sped through the rear gate of the base…windows down and my Nirvana “Nevermind” CD blaring through my Mustang’s speakers! 289 V-8 engine roaring as I sped home on that perfect April day on the coast of North Carolina. I was young, fit, without a worry in the world, jammin to Nirvana and listening to every word Kurt sang, yelled, and whispered…All of that would change in a matter of minutes as I pulled into my driveway. When I pulled up, the neighbors were waiting for me…Then my neighbor said the unthinkable…

RIP Kurt Cobain of Nirvana
RIP Kurt Cobain of Nirvana
A piece of my identity died when Kurt died...my brother died...my mentor and friend...when I had NO other friends, I had Kurt!
A piece of my identity died when Kurt died…my brother died…my mentor and friend…when I had NO other friends, I had Kurt!

“Kurt Cobain is DEAD!” He said in a monotone, low voice. I said “screw you, your just messin with me man!” and playfully shoved him. He looked at me again, as well as his young wife and said, “Emery, he is gone.” I didn’t even respond, I ran into my house and turned on the television to MTV…What I saw…I will never forget! It dropped me to my knees! I was in full USMC uniform and I dropped right down on my perfectly ironed Cammies and spit polished Combat Boots!

I am a Desert Storm Vet and the owner of this blog. I did my time for the government and ended up with PTSD, insulin dependent diabetes, anxiety, depression...was exposed to terrible conditions, brutality, war...Why can't our elected officials HELP US! Medical Marijuana improves PTSD symptoms. It does not cause schizophrenia unless the person is already schizophrenic. Alcohol is flat deadly...the government doesn't care about alcoholism!
This is me, 20 years ago…warrior on the outside and peace activist on the inside. Kurt taught me about Peace and about bullshit! He taught me there is a lot MORE bullshit in America than there is PEACE! He ultimately taught me about my own mortality!

I had served my country as a Marine for the past 3 and a half years, during war, and never had this feeling in my gut before! I instantly understood something about my own dad…

I remembered at that time, kneeling in front of MTV, I remembered back to a very cold winter in 1980…a day in December. This would be the only day I saw my dad sob tears of utter sadness…The only day! The day that a man took another man’s life… The day John Lennon died. It shocked me to see a man like my dad cry. I didn’t know what to think…my dad was a soldier during Vietnam! He was a Tanker! He built everything with his own, meaty, hairy, powerful hands! Dad had the answer to everything…EVER. He was and still is the smartest man I know! Yet…there he lay, on my parent’s bed, sobbing in the darkness. Shards of light pierced the dimness, reflecting off the tears on his red cheeks…glistening as the tears soaked into his black, grizzly beard…

I finally understood why my dad cried some 14 years ago…and I cried! Sobbed! My idol…my voice…part of my identity, had blown his head off with a shotgun! A young man, like me… A young man with a wife and child, like me…A young man who did not believe in society’s bullshit…LIKE ME! A piece of me died on that day in April, 1994, as well. The piece of me that held to childish beliefs such as immortality! I was mortal instantly…Kurt Cobain was dead… I realized that even though I was a Marine, young, strong and healthy, I was mortal. Kurt taught me this in a way that seared the lesson in my brain…forever!

Kurt Cobain was my Bob Marley...My Jim Morrison...My John Lennon...He was Generation X!
Kurt Cobain was my Bob Marley…My Jim Morrison…My John Lennon…He was Generation X!

Kurt Cobain was part of my personality…I shared his political views, even though I was a trained Marine Corps Killer…at heart, I wanted nothing to do with that! I embraced the idea of Peace over War…Just like Kurt! He was like my brother…my older brother that stuck up for me…that was a mentor to me! I knew we would do great things in our lives! I knew we would rally for the same ideals…I would like to believe that we still do…even though he is gone.

Rest in Peace Kurt! I love you buddy! I’ll see ya when my “cancer turns black”.

Nirvana is a PRIME example of the eccentric genius that only Generation Xers geat!
Nirvana is a PRIME example of the eccentric genius that only Generation Xers get!                                         RIP Kurt Cobain…friend…mentor…RIP

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